This was about the 10th outfit that I put on today. It was actually one of the firsts that I tried on and went back to. Nothing seems to be working lately. Normally I can walk into my closet (and it's not a walk-in) wave my magic wand at 7:45 am while running late to work and come out with a great outfit. Sadly, this has not been the case of late. Which, in turn, makes me late to everywhere I go.
But if I think on the last 4-6 weeks, my life has been constantly moving. I continually pick up our house only to find it messy again. I do loads and loads of never ending laundry. I unpack a suitcase to pack it again. I am here, there, everywhere and nowhere in between. When I become busy, I sometimes forget my focus and goal. I forget who I am.
Lately, I've been feeling the pressure to be perfect. I feel pressure to be the perfect wife, the perfect daughter, the perfect blogger. I feel the need to dress perfectly, to make sure every hair is curled, each cheek is blushed. But these feelings are not for myself, instead I feel this pressure from everyone in my life. A perfectionist by nature, I have found myself in a tiring cycle of expectations set by someone else. Yes, part of this is from putting myself out there in the world, frame by frame, word by word and allowing others to follow my edited life. The other part is allowing myself to listen to everyone else and not my own voice. I've never asked myself to be perfect. I've never expected that from me. I want what's best for my life and I will live that way. But as I've learned in life there is no place for perfection, and mistakes have all the room they will ever need.
I remember myself as a little girl wearing my very favorite outfit. It was hot pink and I'm sure terrible, but I felt good. I remember never once asking anyone, not even my mom, about my outfit. Not because it didn't matter, but because I didn't care. I loved my hot pink outfit, plain and simple. No one was going to change the way that I felt.
I say all of this to remind myself that it's okay. There is no need to be perfect, because that is not real. That's the problem with being perfect, you are never enough. But being who you are, wearing what you want to wear, saying what you want to say, is real. And that is good enough.